i thought we were not going to discuss this again per our last conversation. like i said before…we r friends and that is wut matters. i am not sure what to do…i care for you as a friend but sometimes i dont think you understand that u r a lot to handle. i dont think i ever have to explain myself so much to anyone regarding our friendship or y i can’t hang out or chat. i am sensitive…but keep in mind mostly about bobby since i really like him.
i dont think i overanalyze things relating to you. however, u mite be overanalyzing things i do or don’t do. i am avoiding you becuz i am not sure how else to make you understand that i dont want to feel bad that i dont hang out with u solo….or dont chat with u on the phone as often as u like. the more u want to hang out…the weirder it gets for me. i feel a bit sufficated. i remember there were times in the past that we didnt talk for a week or for a few days…it was fine. i didnt get multiple text from you or have to respond y we dont hang out. yes, u mite text 20 other people several text everyday however they mite b ok with it…i dont really like receiving that many text from u or from anyone and on a daily basis.
u should know this since i have mentioned this to u before. u never text me as much as u do until a few months ago. its like the more i avoid ur text…the more u want to text me. that is the thing that is pushing me away. u said that i can tell u that i am busy….but will that help??? cuz i will get another email asking me y i am too busy to chat or y i am busy but i can chat with other people. i dont want to hurt ur feelings but i just want u to understand…u r pushing me away by being pushy. the bottom line is that we do hang out…i am not sure y not hanging out solo bothers u. it makes me feel uncomfortable that u feel like we need to hang out solo as this has never been requested from any of my friends before.
i guess to simply put it….it just makes me uncomfortable that u r sensitive to me not communicating to u or hang out with u often. i feel like i have to hang out with u or respond to all text….otherwise im gonna get a text or an email asking y and if i am mad at u, etc. i dont want to feel that way…and a friend should not make u feel that way. i hate having to explain myself again and again. i know u r not just sensitive to me but to others as well. but, they mite not have had this discussion with u as often as i have. i feel like i have to defend our friendship and its not what i want to do. being friends should be easy breezy…i feel like lately i just have to explain y i do or dont do certain things to u.
i know it bothers u but i dont know y. its not like not hanging out or chatting is affecting our friendship. its not like we never hang out….or never chat…i chat with u more than i chat with a lot of people…so i dont know wut to do. in addition, i never said i dont want to hang out with u…i just dont want to hang out with u by myself. there is nothing wrong with that. please respect my preference. i apologize that i vent to u about bobby. i just thought that you would be a bit more understanding than others…since they would probably be telling me not to talk to him or keep him out of my life. friend usually call each other to vent. i vent to monica and katie all the time…more often than i vent to u…but just not about bobby.
i guess i didnt realize that when i called u to vent…the expectation is that we r going to chat more frequently. dont get me wrong, i am here whenever u need to vent or if something is bothering u…and occasional chit chatting is fine with me. i guess ur expectation regarding the frequency we should chat is what i can’t grasp. obviously i know u exist…and just cuz i dont chat with u in a week or two doesnt mean i dont acknowledge ur existence. i have gone 1-2 months without chatting with paula or cathy…they would never tell me they feel like they dont exist.
please also keep in mind that being ur muse does not bother me nor has anything with this…just ur actions. the more u text or try to bring up this topic…the more i dont want to talk about it and the more it makes me uncomfortable.
i hope u know where i am coming from…i guess our expectations in a friendship is slightly different…i respect ur take on it…i just want u to respect mine without making me feel like i am not being a good friend or needing to defend our friendship….