15 Reasons to Leave Your Boyfriend
(ideas by Mr. Hicks)
You know it’s time to trade in your boyfriend for a terrier when…
1. He claims he’ll never, ever cheat on you, but he cheated on his ex in order to be with you.
2. He’s always comparing you to an ex.
3. He refuses to kiss you because that is “unmanly,” and he maintains a “straight-date” girlfriend for work functions.
4. He continues to see his ex but “only as friends.” They see each other on the same nights as when they were dating, and he refuses to tell the ex that he’s dating you now because he doesn’t want “to hurt his feelings.”
5. He won’t introduce you to his friends until you’re “on solid ground.” But you’ve been dating him exclusively for six months!
6. He spends more time online doing “research” than with you, but he can never explain what he’s researching.
7. He works out at the gay gym every night and on weekends for its “health benefits” but never builds any muscle… and actually seems to be gaining weight.
8. He breaks up with you when his ex is single—then wants to make up when his ex is involved.
9. He loves to go out with his friends, but every time you suggest a night out, he has “a once in a lifetime” sporting event that he must watch.
10. In your four years together, the only time he’s ever suggested moving in together was after you’d threatened to leave him.
11. The closer you get too moving in together, the more he asks you to “give him space.”
12. He loves you when you leave him but needs “more time to himself” when you’re together.
13. When you ask him to move in with you, he thinks it would be “pure hell.”
14. After you start living together, he spends hours driving around alone every night to clear his mind.
15. He lies about little things, like which bar he went to or who he met.
At least terriers don’t lie or bring you emotional distress. They lick you when you get home, protect you from intruders and love you unconditionally. Now if only I could find a boyfriend like that.
match.com and william hicks authors