Being Taught A Lesson By The Silent Treatment
(the real loudness of the silent treatment)
By Mike Ahuja
We all go through ups and downs with the important relationships that consume our lives; from family to friends to significant others and during these ups and downs some of us respond differently. If you are like myself, I tend to make the same mistake more than once, and maybe I just think the second time around I will get a different result, but 99% percent of time that doesn’t occur. During these times if I keep hurting the same person as a result to the same mistake; it’s going to take more extreme measures to get me to end that behavior; and these are the types of situations in which you need to be taught a lesson.
When you care for someone a great deal, there seems to be nothing more effective in teaching or being taught a lesson, than the silent treatment. The silent treatment can be mean, immature, manipulative, and a wide array of other things but the silent treatment is yet very effective in getting across the “knock your shit off” vibe. Yes the silent treatment can be bad for close relationships with people you care for, but if you are way to mad to talk to each other, there is a right approach to the silent treatment.
The real test of bonds and relationships is not how you handle yourselves during the good times but rather that of how you handle yourselves during the bad times because being able to come out of these bad times is what strengthens the road to longevity. Sometimes we find it easier to just get up and walk away in the middle of an argument rather than ranting and raving like lunatics at each other, possibly slipping out words that we can’t take back, but walking away from the arguing and turning on the silent treatment isn’t a solution to the problem but rather just a band aid.
What Is The Silent Treatment?
It is the rejection and denial of one person to talk to another person. The length of the silent treatment has no set standard as it could last hours, days, months or even years. (Really it can last years…trust me I know)
How is the silent treatment bad for your relationships?
Providing the silent treatment to this friend, family member, significant other, or any other loved one may seem like the best option to do, hurting them and gaining distance all at the same time. It’s always a riskier move to do and has a likely chance back firing, but if it doesn’t and you two come out of it alive, it actually can bring you two closer than before the incident.
3 Reasons Why The Silent Treatment is Bad
- Trust Loss – The silent treatment may have the bad person get in the routine to telling the victim lies more often now as he or she would become afraid of upsetting him or her again and getting back on the silent treatment. Over time this will develop deeper trust issues of full honesty; eventually ending the relationship. If you can remember to still remain honest in the future than the silent treatment wont affect this; yes you will probably get more silent treatment down the road but honesty is key in all relationships even if it upsets.
- Lies – You may feel great now that you have been teaching the naughty boy or girl a lesson with your silent treatment but you must understand that they have no idea why you are giving him or her the silent treatment. Give him or her a ticket to ride this treatment out. So they can than try and stop this behavior that has caused you to do the silent treatment to start with as if you do not they will start to lie about all things. These lies would take place because he or she is going to be afraid whatever they say will piss you off.
- Love Fear – If you really care for someone you will let him or her know what hurt you.
How To Use The Silent Treatment The Correct Way?
There are times in which using the silent treatment is not bad at all to use as long as you know how to use it properly. Of course there are moments that you can’t just turn on your happy smile and act like everything is fine when it isn’t at all, like imagine walking into your room and seeing your husband fucking another girl, these types of moments its always best to throw in the some initial silence if you want to have any hope of fixing the relationship. The silent treatment can be the perfect answer to angry and rage filled arguments in love, but you just need to know how to use the silent treatment correctly and effectively.
Silent Treatment How Long It Lasts
In most cases the silent treatments will last in the span of days, as in most circumstances the victim is just waiting for the other person to apologize, but sometimes both people are expecting an apology and both think they are right. In a happy and joyous relationship, it doesn’t matter who is at fault and both people need to make an effort to make up with each other, even it isn’t your fault; be mature about it before the silent treatment goes too long and it makes it harder to come back to where you were once at.
Some Rules To Follow:
- Together at Home – Try not have the silent treatment last more than 12 hours if you are both in the home.
- Both Individual’s Are Away – If you are in a long distance relationship or the other is consumed by the office space try not to have the silent treatment go over 48 hours.
- Too Mad and Need Alone Time – Be honest with the person who hurt you, let them know that you are annoyed and upset and currently you are unhappy and do not want to talk about it until you have had your alone time to calm down. You need some time to clear your mind and regroup and when you are ready to chat you will call. It shouldn’t take you longer than a week to regroup and have that conversation, if you extend the silent treatment longer it is sort of like you are doing to so to hurt the person, and using the silent treatment to cause hurt is not the intended use of the treatment.
If The Silent Treatment Is Bad, Why Use It?
If your friend, partner, lover, family member just doesn’t comprehend your verses, or if they keep replicating the same insensitive behavior all the fucking time, it’s certainly time to give them a taste of their own medicine; your silent treatment.
Sometimes the only way to assist in helping your partner, friend, or loved one understand and realize that they have done something full of hurt and pain is by hurting and causing them just a little bit of pain and hurt as well, even if it’s just for a few moments. It is greatly wrong to increase the silent treatment longer than necessary, a few days is cool but after that it’s just fucked up. It may cause your partner or loved one to become a liar in the near future due to fear of letting your down, and that’s the wrong reason. Using the silent treatment for the correct amount of time is when you’d let them know that you are truly hurt and upset. You don’t know what you could loose, unless you are given a little taste of what loss tastes like.
When the Silent Treatment Goes Bad.
Only use the silent treatment on or during special occasions as if you use it all the time it will loose the importance and value in which it has. If you use the treatment every month, your lovers sorrow will quickly turn into anger for constantly being treated this way. This will most likely keep your lover from changing the behavior but rather keep him doing it as route of getting back at you, in front of your or behind your back.
Things Not To Do While Giving the Treatment of Silence
- Don’t ever ignore your lover completely (just tell them you need more time)
- Don’t leave your lover in blackness (drop them the 411 on what’s bothering you and leave it at that so they can think about it)
- Don’t walk away from an apologetic confession (you do not have to reply but at least let them express to you)
- No Verbal or Physical Violence
Ending the Silent Treatment
When your partner or you are calm enough to make up, do not just accept the apology and walk off. Sit next to each other on the couch and chat about what just happened, and how you feel. Learn about each other and each other’s feelings. You must cut away all the bull shit and learn about the core of the problem, once you get down to the center of it all, you will realize that with love, the mistakes are never one sided. Tell your lover how you feel and felt, you will start to understand each other even more, creating a stronger bond.
At the end, both should apologize, even the person giving the silent treatment since it is a harsh thing to do but necessary.
Becoming Educated From The Silent Treatment
Giving the silent treatment to your lover will give and grant you the time to reflect on the entire situation, and time to think of the important questions to ask about how you feel. Please do not purposely lengthen the treatment to hurt your lover, it should only be used to be provide time for reflection and never to hurt someone you love. As when you inflict hurt purposely on your lover, you are inflicting hurt on your other half, and you do not really want that. In a relationship there is no one winner and one looser, it’s you both win or you both loose, so play it right. Stop treating these moments and enjoying power control trip or stupid fights to win an argument or get your point across to your partner, use these moments and treatments of silence as educational lessons. You two will be brought closer together if it’s done right.
A little bit of silence right now, for a lot of sound of love later.
by Mike Ahuja